Those funny phrases you see attached to the bumpers of cars and trucks.
- A day without sunshine, is night.
- A dermatologist is the only person that can give a superficial diagnosis.
- Aaagh!! I bit my tooth.
- All extremist should be shot.
- An empty firearm is a short, ineffective club (No bullets, no results - Thank you: J.T. )
- Annoy a Liberal - Work, Succeed, Be Happy!
- Ask me about my vow of silence. (Gleaned from "Sunbeams" in The Sun Issue 417)
- Ass, Cash, or Grass.... No one rides for free!
- At 4:00 AM you never know if it is too early or too late.
- At war, soldiers receive bullets, generals receive medals.
- Back off ! Or I'll flip a booger on your windshield... (Tailgaters.... - Thank you: Gerry)
- Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he's a mile away -- and barefoot. (Just plain old HAH HAH HAH! - Thank you: Sieran)
- Big brother is watching you (Thank you: Penguinstein)
- Bigamy is having one too many wives... Monogamy is the same thing.
- Breast inspection 10 yards ahead. Have them out, please.
- Buckle up..It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you from your car.
- Can't feed them? Don't breed them!
- Condoms prevent minivans (in a minivan).
- COPS first ones you send for, last ones you want to meet (Thank you: J.T.)
- Dad Farted and We Can't Get Out!
- Don't believe everything you think.
- Don't drink and drive. You'll spill it.
- Don't go to sleep mad, get up and fight!
- Don't laugh... it could be your daughter in here (Thank you: Staralfur)
- Don't steal, the government does not like competition.
- Don't take life so seriously, you won't come out of it alive.
- Don't take your organs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them down here (Become an organ donor - Thank you: Staralfur)
- Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
- Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
- Don't worry, your worst day will only last 24 hours.
- Dr. HODAD - Hands Of Death And Destruction (Bad doctor - Thank you: J.T.)
- Drive Now. Talk Later (Hang up your cell phone)
- Driver carries no cash. He is married.
- Drugs lead to nowhere, but it is a scenic route.
- Dude, we totally forgot our slogan - American Medical Marijuana Association.
- Dyslexics Untie!
- Enjoy your day, until some idiot ruins it.
- Even though the cost of living is so high, have you noticed how popular life is?
- Fake news: 2 + 2 = 5
- Forget World Peace, Try Using Your Turn Signal!!!
- Get in, hold on, and shut up.
- Global Warming - Canadians welcome it. (Seen on a car with Ontario plates)
- God created the world in just 6 days, because there was nobody asking him when will it be done.
- God must love idiots, because he made so many.
- Guns don't kill people, Drivers with cellphones do.
- Hang up and drive.
- He who dies with the most toys wins.
- He who dies with the most toys , dies anyway.
- Heart attack, God's vengeance for eating his little animals.
- Here's champagne for real friends and real pain for sham friends (Thank you: Staralfur)
- Hi I'm awesome! R U awesome? (I have no idea. - Thank you: someone)
- Hide, the Indians a coming! (in the rear bumpersticker) It's OK, they are gone (in the front bumpersticker).
- Honk if you love Jesus - Text if you want to meet him (Thank you: Staralfur)
- Honk if you think Jesus loves noise pollution. (Perfect answer to "Honk if you love Jesus." - Thank you: Sieran)
- Horn does not work... Look at my finger.
- I am busy. You are ugly. Have a nice day.
- I am having an out-of-money experience.
- I am naked from the waist down.
- I am not a NERD, I am just more intelligent than you.
- I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
- I am not drunk, I am just avoiding potholes.
- I am not in a hurry. I am driving to work.
- I am retired, go around me.
- I bet you won't pass me (in the rear bumpersticker) ... your sister (in the front bumpersticker).
- I chiled-Proofed my house, but they still get in.
- I did better in colege, when I stopped using a black highlighter. (Frivolous - Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
- I did not get to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
- I don't suffer of hallucinations, I enjoy every minute of them.
- I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I drive too slow, but I am ahead of you.
- I have no real regard for my own life, you cannot begin to imagine the contempt I have for yours (Uttered to one who has sumpremely pissyou off - Thank you: J.T.)
- I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia! Fcuk!
- I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He is going to be really pissed when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost.
- I like cats, they taste like chicken.
- I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can always diet (Thank you: Staralfur)
- I trade: a woman of 40, for two of 20.
- I used to be cool. Now I drive this minivan.
- I used to be disgusted. Now I am amused.
- I was schizophrenic, buy now WE are OK.
- I'd rather be driving. (Thank you: Sieran)
- I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy - Tom Waits (My occasional imbibing might just be what keeps me sane - Thank you: Staralfur)
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving's not for you. (Thought it was funny. - Thank you: Sieran)
- If drinking and driving are illegal, why do bars have parking lots?
- If money is the root of all evil, why do Churches beg for it?
- If sex is a pain in the ass, you are doing it wrong.
- If the rig is a rockin', someone is having sex. So get your camera out.
- If this van's rockin', don't bother knockin' (Don't risk committing coitus interuptus - Thank you: Staralfur)
- If you can read this, you are too close.
- If you don't like the way I drive, call 1-800-EAT-SHIT
- If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the sidewalk.
- If you need a hand, you can find it at the end of your arm.
- If you smoke after sex, you are doing it the wrong way. (Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
- If you think this car is dirty, try a night with the driver.
- I'm not gay, but I once fucked a bloke who was (Thank you: Staralfur)
- It was not easy (Thank you: Nuwamanya Alex)
- It's not fair that only one company makes the board game Monopoly. (Irony - Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
- I've cum for your daughter (Thank you: J.T. )
- Jesus is coming. Look busy.
- JESUS LOVES YOU - Everybody else thinks you're an asshole (Thank you: DW)
- Jesus saves but moses invest (Thank you: Dave Cassaro)
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