Bumper Stickers

Those funny phrases you see attached to the bumpers of cars and trucks. ;
  1. A day without sunshine, is night.
  2. A dermatologist is the only person that can give a superficial diagnosis.
  3. Aaagh!! I bit my tooth.
  4. All extremist should be shot.
  5. An empty firearm is a short, ineffective club (No bullets, no results - Thank you: J.T. )
  6. Annoy a Liberal - Work, Succeed, Be Happy!
  7. Ask me about my vow of silence. (Gleaned from "Sunbeams" in The Sun Issue 417)
  8. Ass, Cash, or Grass.... No one rides for free!
  9. At 4:00 AM you never know if it is too early or too late.
  10. At war, soldiers receive bullets, generals receive medals.
  11. Back off ! Or I'll flip a booger on your windshield... (Tailgaters.... - Thank you: Gerry)
  12. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he's a mile away -- and barefoot. (Just plain old HAH HAH HAH! - Thank you: Sieran)
  13. Big brother is watching you (Thank you: Penguinstein)
  14. Bigamy is having one too many wives... Monogamy is the same thing.
  15. Breast inspection 10 yards ahead. Have them out, please.
  16. Buckle up..It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you from your car.
  17. Can't feed them? Don't breed them!
  18. COPS first ones you send for, last ones you want to meet (Thank you: J.T.)
  19. Dad Farted and We Can't Get Out!
  20. Don't drink and drive. You'll spill it.
  21. Don't go to sleep mad, get up and fight!
  22. Don't laugh... it could be your daughter in here (Thank you: Staralfur)
  23. Don't steal, the government does not like competition.
  24. Don't take life so seriously, you won't come out of it alive.
  25. Don't take your organs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them down here (Become an organ donor - Thank you: Staralfur)
  26. Don't worry, your worst day will only last 24 hours.
  27. Dr. HODAD - Hands Of Death And Destruction (Bad doctor - Thank you: J.T.)
  28. Drive Now. Talk Later (Hang up your cell phone)
  29. Driver carries no cash. He is married.
  30. Drugs lead to nowhere, but it is a scenic route.
  31. Dude, we totally forgot our slogan - American Medical Marijuana Association.
  32. Dyslexics Untie!
  33. Enjoy your day, until some idiot ruins it.
  34. Even though the cost of living is so high, have you noticed how popular life is?
  35. Forget World Peace, Try Using Your Turn Signal!!!
  36. Get in, hold on, and shut up.
  37. God created the world in just 6 days, because there was nobody asking him when will it be done.
  38. God must love idiots, because he made so many.
  39. Guns don't kill people, Drivers with cellphones do.
  40. Hang up and drive.
  41. He who dies with the most toys wins.
  42. He who dies with the most toys , dies anyway.
  43. Heart attack, God's vengeance for eating his little animals.
  44. Here's champagne for real friends and real pain for sham friends (Thank you: Staralfur)
  45. Hi I'm awesome! R U awesome? (I have no idea. - Thank you: someone)
  46. Hide, the Indians a coming! (in the rear bumpersticker) It's OK, they are gone (in the front bumpersticker).
  47. Honk if you love Jesus - Text if you want to meet him (Thank you: Staralfur)
  48. Honk if you think Jesus loves noise pollution. (Perfect answer to "Honk if you love Jesus." - Thank you: Sieran)
  49. Horn does not work... Look at my finger.
  50. I am busy. You are ugly. Have a nice day.
  51. I am naked from the waist down.
  52. I am not a NERD, I am just more intelligent than you.
  53. I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
  54. I am not in a hurry. I am driving to work.
  55. I bet you won't pass me (in the rear bumpersticker) ... your sister (in the front bumpersticker).
  56. I chiled-Proofed my house, but they still get in.
  57. I did better in colege, when I stopped using a black highlighter. (Frivolous - Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
  58. I did not get to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
  59. I don't suffer of hallucinations, I enjoy every minute of them.
  60. I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  61. I drive too slow, but I am ahead of you.
  62. I have no real regard for my own life, you cannot begin to imagine the contempt I have for yours (Uttered to one who has sumpremely pissyou off - Thank you: J.T.)
  63. I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He is going to be really pissed when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost.
  64. I like cats, they taste like chicken.
  65. I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can always diet (Thank you: Staralfur)
  66. I trade: a woman of 40, for two of 20.
  67. I used to be disgusted. Now I am amused.
  68. I was schizophrenic, buy now WE are OK.
  69. I'd rather be driving. (Thank you: Sieran)
  70. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy - Tom Waits (My occasional imbibing might just be what keeps me sane - Thank you: Staralfur)
  71. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving's not for you. (Thought it was funny. - Thank you: Sieran)
  72. If drinking and driving are illegal, why do bars have parking lots?
  73. If money is the root of all evil, why do Churches beg for it?
  74. If sex is a pain in the ass, you are doing it wrong.
  75. If the rig is a rockin', someone is having sex. So get your camera out.
  76. If this van's rockin', don't bother knockin' (Don't risk committing coitus interuptus - Thank you: Staralfur)
  77. If you can read this, you are too close.
  78. If you don't like the way I drive, call 1-800-EAT-SHIT
  79. If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the sidewalk.
  80. If you need a hand, you can find it at the end of your arm.
  81. If you smoke after sex, you are doing it the wrong way. (Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
  82. I'm not gay, but I once fucked a bloke who was (Thank you: Staralfur)
  83. It was not easy (Thank you: Nuwamanya Alex)
  84. It's not fair that only one company makes the board game Monopoly. (Irony - Thank you: Kendrick Bateson)
  85. I've cum for your daughter (Thank you: J.T. )
  86. Jesus is coming. Look busy.
  87. Jesus saves but moses invest (Thank you: Dave Cassaro)
  88. Keep honking - I'm reloading { Thank you: Kevin }
  89. Keep your distance, I cheated on my driver's test.
  90. Learn to Kill at Ft Sill, OK (In reference to Fort Sill in Oklahoma, a Historic Landmark that now serves as home for the US Army Field Artillery School - Thank you: william Smyth)
  91. Life's a bitch and then you die. (Thank you: Don Schwartz)
  92. Life's a bitch and then you marry one (Thank you: Staralfur)
  93. Love and money keep people awake at night. Since I don't have either, I sleep well.
  94. Make your senator work, don't vote for him.
  95. Man is Gods best invention, and vice versa.
  96. Marihuana kills slowly, but I am not in a hurry.
  97. Marriage is a like a savings account. You put it in and out so many times, that you lose interest.
  98. Marriage is such a heavy load that it takes two people to carry it.
  99. Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.
  100. Moses was a basket case in denial. (Moses was put in a basket and sent down the Nile river - Thank you: Madelyn)

Total: 168
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